Tuition vs free time

I've been having trouble sleeping again.  As much as I tell myself not to worry, that things will work out one way or another, I am plagued by worries of Tai Pi not qualifying for the Express Stream again.  There's nothing wrong with taking the Normal Stream route I've told the girls, but they want to avoid it knowing that it entails sitting for two major exams - the "N" levels and the "O" levels.  It doesn't help that all three of them want a place at SOTA which takes in only Express Stream students.

Seeing that Science was Tai Pi's worst subject last year, I have been thinking of getting her a Science tutor.  But her schedule this year is really packed, as is the case for all P6 kids.  How other children find time to have tuition on top of all the supplementary classes is beyond me.

I place a lot of value on unstructured free time for my children so the thought of tuition encroaching on what little is left of their free time is unsettling for me.  I worry about increasing their stress levels with more academic work and I worry about what they stand to lose when they have less unstructured free time.  At the same time I worry that they will fall behind in class if we don't keep up with the rat race.

The following article, which is a synopsis of a report by the American Academy of Pediatrics, tells of the importance of free unstructured play for children; I don't think many parents in Singapore will be heeding their advice any time soon though...

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Free Unstructured Play Is Essential For Children

In order to develop socially, emotionally and cognitively, children need plenty of free, unstructured play - in other words, lots of old-fashioned free playtime, says a report by the American Academy of Pediatrics, called "The Importance of Play in Promoting Healthy Child Development and Maintaining Strong Parent-Child Bonds."

The American Academy of Pediatrics believes pediatricians should check children's levels of stress, to make sure they are not being overloaded with activities and tasks that are designed to do them good, but could end up having the opposite effect.

Too many children in the USA have to give up free play time because their parents, in a bid to help them do well, send them to classes and encourage them to take part in "development activities". Several pediatricians, says the report, are finding that some children are becoming stressed - they are not getting enough 'downtime'.

The report says that not only does unstructured play give children time to adjust to a new school setting, but it also allows them to use their creativity, find out what they really like, acquire and practise their social skills, and solve problems. Children who can take part in unstructured free play tend to become more resilient.

The report urges parents to be guided by what their child is like, rather than how well other kids down the road are doing.

The report lists many factors which could contribute towards childhood stress:
-- changes in family structure
-- competitive college admissions process
-- federal education policies
-- fear a child may fall behind academically
-- less physical activity
-- a hurried lifestyle

If a child has to live a hurried lifestyle, while at the same time he/she has less free time, he/she can become more stressed and anxious. The report states that some children could even become depressed. Although excelling academically has its benefits, the reports stresses that parental love, role modeling and guidance are what really matter for success in life.

"Good outcomes can come out of bad outcomes"

When we received Tai Pi's PSLE results two months back and were informed that she did not meet MOE's benchmark for homeschoolers and hence would have to re-take the PSLE, we were given two options - have her sit for the PSLE as a homeschooler again the following year or enrol her in a mainstream school as a P6 student. Apparently the benchmark for homeschoolers taking the PSLE for the 2nd time is lower - having only to qualify for the Normal Academic Stream (I didn't bother to ask the MOE why the difference in benchmark for 1st and 2nd timers and for that matter why the difference between mainstream students and homeschoolers because I don't expect any logical explanation); something Tai Pi can easily manage. However we decided to send her back to school where she could have new experiences so that 2011 would not seem a repeat of 2010.

Not just any school though. Pumpkin, who went back to school after two years of homeschooling, and Sai Pi, have been attending a nearby convent school since last year and have been pretty happy there. Tai Pi had been to the school on a number of occasions, met her sisters' classmates and even accompanied me in helping out with the P1 concert last year. She had developed a fondness for the school and wished that I had enrolled her there in P1 instead of another school also in the Katong area where she spent her first three years of primary school.

I staked out the Principal's office, waiting to catch her. She had a very busy schedule so that when I finally did get to see her, I was told I had just 5 minutes. But that was all the time it took anyway for her to agree to accept Tai Pi and so it was that Tai Pi got her wish (so it is true what they say - "be careful what you wish for"!).

"Good outcomes can come out of bad outcomes", Tai Pi declared. Yes indeed.

The three sisters, on their way to school on the first day of school in Mummy's new car (note the "P" plate on the back windscreen).

The Spelling Necklace

When Tai Pi entered primary school two years ago, Pumpkin was eager to join her and often asked when it would be her turn. So when she finally started primary school this year, she was a happy little bird and everything seemed fine and well. But just a few weeks into the school term, I received a call from her teacher, telling me that Pumpkin was moody and had dozed off in class at times, and was writing bizarre words in her compositions. At the same time, I heard from Tai Pi as well as the teacher at the After School Care Centre that Pumpkin had been throwing tantrums when asked to learn spelling and she was also taking a much longer time to learn to spell a word compared to the other kids. I hadn't been checking Pumpkin's schoolwork so all this came as a surprise to me. What was most disturbing was the news about her temperament and behaviour; it seemed so out of character for Pumpkin.

Around that time, she also started showing signs of intermittent depression. Every morning when we dropped her off at school, she would be sulky and looking like she was headed for the slaughter house. It really broke my heart to see her sad little face. Everyday, she would say that she did not want to go to school, that the work at school was too hard for her, and like working adults with the Monday blues before the start of the work week, she would feel moody on Sunday evenings. It seemed the source of her unhappiness was mainly spelling. She had a fear of spelling that seemed almost irrational and I found it really odd that she did not seem as anxious about other tests and subjects even though she wasn't doing well in those either.

It was then that KK and I started helping Pumpkin to learn her weekly spelling words. The first time I sat down with her, I was in for a shock. It took like half an hour for her to learn to spell a short word and even then, it didn't seem to stick in her mind. It was then that I put all the pieces together and realised that Pumpkin could be dyslexic. Not that I knew much about dyslexia but I did know that dyslexics have a problem with reading and writing, and Pumpkin could not read and she was definitely having problems writing. She had also shown signs of mirror writing in the past but I had chosen to ignore it; perhaps I was in denial. I surfed the net for information on dyslexia and based on what I found out, I was pretty sure that Pumpkin was dyslexic. I felt distressed at first but that quickly gave way to relief because now we knew the root of the problem and could do something about it.

Having read that dyslexics learn better through a multi-sensory approach, I bought pipe cleaners with the intention of bending them to form letters to string into words to help Pumpkin with spelling. It was quite time consuming working with the pipe cleaners so I used a combination of letters made from the pipe cleaners, and magnetic letters, the 3D sort that toddlers stick onto the fridge. What I got Pumpkin to do was to arrange the letters to form words and run her finger on the letters so that she not only sees the words but "feels" them as well.

But the pipe cleaners would help Pumpkin in another most unexpected way....

Tai Pi, the aspiring jewelry designer, created a necklace with the pipe-cleaners and presented it to Pumpkin, declaring it to be a "spelling necklace", a kind of charm that would help Pumpkin with spelling. Pumpkin put it on and it seemed to work (or was it the multi-sensory method I was trying out). "Thank you Jie Jie for the necklace. It's making me better," Pumpkin said to Tai Pi.

The next day, the most dreaded day of the week for Pumpkin because of the weekly spelling tests, Pumpkin tried to put on her Spelling Necklace and hide it under her blouse but upon Tai Pi's advice attached it to her schoolbag instead where she could see it and it would work its magic. I don't remember if she did alright for that particular spelling test but I'm sure the necklace at least gave her some comfort.

These days, Pumpkin no longer dreads school because she has since made some good friends after the teacher switched her sitting position in class. Although she still says that she doesn't want to go to school and that she hates spelling, at least this only happens occasionally now. And the Spelling Necklace now lies somewhere on Pumpkin's bed together with her treasured stuff toys.

Just recently, we finally had her assessed by a psychologist at the Dyslexia Association of Singapore after a long wait for an appointment and confirmed that she has dyslexia. We will have to send her for therapy so she can learn to cope with the condition. I'm sure Pumpkin will be fine - she has the benefit of early intervention, the love and support of her family... and a magic Spelling Necklace.

Tai Pi ends the school year on a high note

Yesterday was the last day of school for Tai Pi. She rang me while I was at a function, to tell me that she had exciting news. She was named "Pupil of the Month" for October! Every month, one student in the class gets named "Pupil of the Month" (I think it might have something to do with good behaviour) and receives a laminated "Pupil of the Month" certificate. Tai Pi was absolutely thrilled! The next piece of exciting news - she is being put into the "sports class" next year! At Tai Pi's school, children identified to have sporting talent are put in the same class. I remember the School Principal mentioning this before but I'm not sure how it works. Tai Pi says that the class gets to play different sports and they get to have PE everyday. I think Tai Pi will have a lot of fun and more importantly, this as well as being named "Pupil of the Month" makes Tai Pi feel really special and can only be good for her self-esteem.

Oh and her exam results are out - Band 2 for English, Band 3 for Chinese and Math. We'll just have to try harder next year.

What have we been up to?

A friend of mine learnt from a child psychologist that it is not a good idea to leave a child studying in the room while the rest of the family does something more fun, like watch TV. It seems obvious but yet I realise that this is exactly what we have been subjecting Tai Pi to - telling her to do her work while her sisters play computer games or watch cartoon. So it appears that not only does misery love company, it NEEDS company. And now as Tai Pi's final exams loom near, I will have to see that she prepares for them, and I have to somehow get the other two to engage in activities where they do not look like they are having too much fun. We'll see how that turns out.

I've told Tai Pi that she is to revise her work for the exams starting tomorrow so today was her last study-free day. After Taekwondo, we went to view The Art of Cartier exhibition at the museum. Cartier classics such as the Panther Brooch and Tutti Frutti Necklace were on display. They were really breath-taking and the girls went "wow" at all the pieces. I told Tai Pi, the aspiring jewelry designer, that she should create exquisite and expensive jewelry instead of the cheap mass market types. She doesn't seem to get it, still prefering to create items that are affordable; it may be that I have turned the word "expensive" into something bad - "Mummy, can you buy that for me?" "It's too expensive!" "Mummy, I got this for $1." "So expensive!".


The weekends before this, the girls have been having enough fun I believe to last them till Tai Pi's exams are over. Just last week, to celebrate Ron's birthday, the kids went to Snow City. They had wanted to go to Snow City for the longest time. I was curious about the place too, imagining a winter wonderland. But it turned out to be just an oversized freezer compartment with a faulty defrost function. And just getting ready was so draining - getting the girls (and myself) into the jackets, boots, gloves, arrgh!!! But it was pretty fun I must say, sliding down the slope although we got our butts wet and Pumpkin got so cold towards the end that she declared that she would not come to Snow City again. After Snow City, we went to Palawan Beach at Sentosa. As much as I dislike the artificiality of Sentosa, I do like it that I feel like a tourist whenever I go there.



Last Friday was Tai Pi's Sports Day which for the lower primary levels is more of a telematch. Tai Pi took part in two events with some classmates and won a bronze in one of the events. She was so happy, she has been sleeping with her trophy since. Great job Tai Pi!

News in Brief

Just got back from our holiday in Phuket. More on the trip when I have time to upload the photos into the computer. In the meantime, here's some news in brief:

Finally did the unthinkable and got a tutor to help Tai Pi with Chinese. What's good is that I don't have to worry so much about her Chinese anymore and no more feeling guilty about doing nothing. It's always the easiest way out - just pay for someone else to do the job for you.

Less than one week left of the school holidays and Tai Pi has not finished her homework, and not like she has much homework to begin with.

Oh and happy birthday to Kong Kong and Mama no.2!!!

Time to panic?

Thank goodness I'm a bochap parent. Because if I were a kiasu parent, I surely would have suffered a heart attack today when Tai Pi showed me her mid year results. Just 6 months ago, she was graded Band 1 for English and Chinese, and Band 2 for Math. And now? Band 2 for English and Math, and Band 4 for Chinese!!! Band 4!!! I think that means she flunked Chinese. And she didn't do so well in English either, although she's actually pretty strong in English.

Me: Do you know Malay or Indian?

Tai Pi: No.

Me: Well, you're no good in Chinese and your English is also not so good now. So you know some other language or what?!!

Sigh... I'm not surprised really. Her results are very much reflective of the amount of effort we have put in. I guess you reap what you sow. What Tai Pi lacks is discipline and what's worse is that I'm also lacking in discipline!!! Although she has a home timetable, she doesn't follow it and I don't bother to enforce it. Nearing the exams, KK and I did get her to do some Math practice papers, but I dreaded it because once she was done, I had to mark them and then she had to do the corrections and then I had to check her corrections and then she had to do corrections on the corrections and then I had to.....what a pain.

I did try something easier, something requiring less effort on my part. I resorted to threats.

Me: If you do badly in Math, I'm going to have to get you a tutor and I can't afford to get a tutor so I'm going to have to cancel your Taekwondo class and use the money for a Math tutor and you will be a yellow tip belt forever.

Tai Pi: Nooooooo.......

It didn't help that we only had some idea of how badly she was doing in Chinese just a couple of weeks before the exams. Great. Now I have to worry about her Math AND Chinese. We knew her Chinese was rotten but she somehow still managed a Band 1 last year so how bad could it get, we thought. Then just before the exams, we were told by her teacher that she had to attend a weekly remedial class for Chinese. The others at the class have a good excuse for their poor standard of Chinese - one is European, another is a girl with an Indian name who claims to be Taiwanese, couple of Indonesians, etc. You know it's bad news when you get grouped with this bunch for Chinese remedial.

So now I'm thinking I really really have to instill some discipline into Tai Pi and myself or face the prospect of all her grades sliding to Band 4 by year's end. We'll start tomorrow. Or maybe day after.... or day after.....

4 years 3 terms to PSLE

It's been 5 months since I started blogging and I have been having so much fun I almost forgot how this blog was born out of my frustration and anxiety over Tai Pi's school work. Flashback - it is Oct 2005, Tai Pi's exams are around the corner and I only just discovered how bad she is at math because the irresponsible mother that I am I hadn't bothered to check her work all the while. So then came a period of intense coaching during which I turned into a crazed woman, screaming, crying, banging the table. Fortunately just before Tai Pi's exams, with Kong Kong's help, I came to my senses. So now I am back to being my old bo chap self; didn't even look into Tai Pi's organiser to see what homework she had till 2 months into the new year. But somehow, I have a feeling that closer to exam time, I'm going to turn into Mr Hyde again. Poor Tai Pi. But no, I cannot let that happen again. So today, on the last day of school term one, I resolve to pay more attention to Tai Pi's school work and not to resort to last minute mugging. My blog title will be a reminder.

Anyway, just a couple of days back, Tai Pi's teacher called to ask about some form that Tai Pi was supposed to hand over but seemed to have lost (typical of Tai Pi). At the same time, she told me that she considered Tai Pi to be a "high performing student" - fwah, my Tai Pi is a high performer leh!

The verdict is out

Last Wednesday, Tai Pi brought home her report book. She scored 87% for English and Chinese and 77% for math. There was no indication of class or cohort ranking so it's hard to say where she stands relative to the rest but I suppose it is average which is good enough. She got an "excellent" for her conduct and "A" for non-examinable subjects such as PE, art, etc, except for a "B" in music. Tai Pi is very pleased with her results and so am I!

Speech & Drama Concert

Yesterday we attended the much awaited Speech & Drama Concert put up by the Primary 1 children at Tai Pi's school. Tai Pi was in this number about animals in the zoo. She was placed in the front centre because, as she says, she could sing loudly and clearly. And really, even with some 60 kids on stage, I could hear her voice.

The performances were pretty good and of course the audience, comprising the parents, were supportive, but the funny thing was, you couldn't hear very much applause. Why? Because all the doting parents had their hands occupied with various recording equipment - still cameras, video cameras, handphone cameras!

Just 2 more days to go

Tai Pi has an English paper tomorrow and a Maths paper day after and then her exams are over!

Anyway I have not subjected her to the same intensity of revision work the past couple of weeks because I can't keep up with it myself. It is not something I enjoy at all and I guess it's hard to keep at something you don't find any pleasure in. I'm also more relaxed now as Tai Pi has shown improvement. Just last Friday, her BASC teacher said that her math is now the best among the kids! Not bad considering she was the worst at one time. I am so pleased with myself! hee hee... This reminds me of when I gave tuition during my undergrad days. I taught this primary school kid and she won the award for greatest improvement. When I quit, her mom begged me to continue!


This morning, after Tai Pi did a math revision paper (she scored 96% for it), we had a treasure hunt where the girls searched for a series of clues, one leading to the next till they finally get to the treasure (M&Ms in the letterbox). They had so much fun with it, I promised I would have a treasure hunt for them another day. After that, we went for another one of our walks or "running away from home" as we like to call it (inspired by the children's story "A Baby Sister For Frances").
As usual, we went to the Reading Room at the clubhouse (see pics above) and also made a trip to the provision shop where the girls get to buy some snacks for a picnic at a nearby void deck (see bottom pic). At this age, it is very easy and very cheap to keep them amused.

Then again maybe not...

Last week, Tai Pi didn't do well in a maths paper from her BASC teacher. She said to me "I have bad news. I scored 67 upon 100. Are you angry with me?". Oh dear, seems she expects me to go ballistic whenever she doesn't do well. I have to get her to understand that I'm happy so long as she tries her best. But how could she have been trying her best and only scoring 67?! I hope it was only because she made careless mistakes. Let's hope that she is careful on the day of her maths exam.

And I think I confused her over the "more than", "less than" business. I had her do an assessment book last weekend and the "more than" "less than" statements were written in several different ways e.g. "____ less than 19 is 11" "15 is ___ less than 20". So the method I taught her earlier doesn't quite work in every case. So Pa was right. It really is a matter of understanding the English...

By George I think she's got it!

This evening, Tai Pi was in very high spirits. Her teacher at BASC (Before And After School Care) gave the kids a math test paper in the morning and another one in the afternoon (PSLE marking week so no school). She scored 90% in one and 91% in the other! She was so very pleased with herself. So my efforts have not gone to waste!

But still, I resolve not to raise my voice at her and I will remember to look at the big picture and not get hung up over tests and exams. Tai Pi's Kong Kong is right - the important thing is that she understands the concepts; it's too much to expect her not to make any careless mistakes. And I am not kiasu lah! It's just that I realised I had been too uninvolved. I used to not even bother to look at her schoolwork or textbooks. I guess I was trying to make up for lost time with this intensive coaching.

Whether Tai Pi does well or not, I believe the most important thing is for her to understand that she must not judge herself or others using academic performance. So she shouldn't feel inferior if she doesn't do well and likewise, she shouldn't feel superior if she does.

Educating Tai Pi....

A couple of months back, it suddenly dawned on me that my oldest daughter, let's call her Tai Pi, could do with some help with her schoolwork. Before that, I had been very relaxed. I mean how difficult can primary 1 work be? Then I found out that her math scores were much worse than her friends' and I also found out that her friends did math exercises everyday either with their mothers or their tutors. It caused me quite a panic. Since then I have bought maybe 5 math assessment books and also English and Chinese assessment books - quite therapeutic actually, buying assessment books; it makes me feel I'm doing something to help Tai Pi make the grade. Now I make her do math exercises almost everyday and weekends are quite traumatic - I turn into a crazed, table-banging, screaming banshee when Tai Pi makes careless mistakes or forgets what I just taught her the weekend before. I know I really shouldn't lose my head but it is just so frustrating, and I would much rather be doing something else, like make a pinata, which was what we did today (after she finished her math exercises of course) - we made a pinata out of a paper bag and decorated it with colourful strips cut out of plastic bags and then filled the bag with near-expired sweets and chocolate, then we invited our friends over and the kids had a great time whacking the pinata while I got to get rid of the damn sweets and chocolate that were sitting forever in the fridge. See picture of the kids scrambling for the goodies.

So anyway, I'm starting this blog to chronicle the treacherous road to PSLE that Tai Pi and I are treading. Will Tai Pi do well in her first exam? Will she end up in the worst class in primary 2? Will I end up in a mental institution? Tune in to find out.