A setback or an opportunity

Where I left off at my last post, we had almost reached the finishing line. And we did reach the finishing line except that we now have to run the race all over again.

She trained hard, completed 13 assessment books for Math alone, auditioned successfully for a place in SOTA along the way, suffered from anxiety and increasing nightmares as the exams approached only to find herself in the bottom one third of the PSLE cohort. Not good enough for MOE. Go back to the starting line and try again.

There we were, in a solemn meeting room at MOE with a solemn-looking officer from the Compulsory Education Unit who solemnly informed Tai Pi and I that having not met the MOE's benchmark set for homeschoolers (score higher than one third of the cohort, or in other words qualify for the Express Stream), Tai Pi would have to re-sit the PSLE the following year. I felt faint; this couldn't be happening. Tai Pi broke into uninhibited sobs, her forehead pressed against the edge of the table.

Seven points. A mere seven points put a halt to Tai Pi's dream of studying visual arts at SOTA.

How is one to feel about such a setback? I grieved her loss (yes it really felt like someone died) for weeks after that. My first thoughts everyday when I woke up were those miserable seven points and the dread of another year of PSLE preparation.

Tai Pi's mourning period was much shorter though. She was back to her usual fun-loving self within days. I felt then that she didn't appreciate the seriousness of the situation as much as her father and I did, but I must concede now that Tai Pi, and perhaps all children in general, is simply more resilient, whereas I had chosen to let my thoughts dwell on what could have been.

It is surely not an easy thing to have to tell all your friends that you would be repeating P6, to see your friends move on to secondary school while you repeat P6, to lose your place in your dream school, to face the PSLE again.

But Tai Pi is a brave and resilient child and I know this setback will only make her stronger. I now even think of it as a kind of privilege - how many people can say that they re-took their PSLE? Of course we would never wish it upon our children, but when it happens, it is a valuable character-building opportunity that can make them more resilient and less afraid of failure. It is even kinda cool. I imagine Tai Pi, years from now, telling people that she took the PSLE twice; wouldn't that raise some eyebrows!

I wanted to be sure that Tai Pi appreciated the value of her setback so I shared with her these wise words from Henry Ford - "Life is a series of experiences, each of which makes us bigger, even though it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching forward."

However this year ends, whatever score Tai Pi gets for the PSLE this time round, I'm glad she had this life experience and I'm proud of her for having the strength to pick herself up and move on.