It was just crying out to be blogged about - page 14 of yesterday's Sunday Times - "All grown up... and still getting handouts from mum and dad". The article describes young adults who are gainfully employed but depend on financial assistance from their parents to sustain their lifestyle.
Meet some of our parasite singles (names have been withheld to protect the guilty):
1) A 24-year-old pupil at a law firm whose parents pay for her $340 monthly parking bill and extravagant purchases such as a $3,000 Chanel handbag and $600 Ferragamo shoes.
2) A 23-year-old PR executive who uses supplementary credit cards from his mother to indulge in shopping at Hugo Boss and DKNY. Mummy Dearest also pays his mobile phone bills which can reach $600.
3) An auditor who received $1,000 spending money from Daddy when she went to New York for a holiday and also has her bank account topped up occasionally (hey, a bit like our Gahmen).
Says the auditor, "Everyone wants to be independent but I don't think I can support my current lifestyle on my pay. If he is willing to give, I'm willing to take."
And this is very funny - the father of one of these kids says that he sees giving his daughter financial support as a way for them to bond. Wah ha ha!!! How absurd!!! Giving money as a way to bond!!! Wah ha ha!!! (Eh, maybe our Gahmen also thinks this way, that's why they give out money now and then to everyone whether you need it or not).
Don't these kids have any shame?!!! But you know who I blame? I blame the parents!!! Parents who allow their children to think that their parents owe it to them to give them the good life.
I reckon that these kids were already enjoying a certain standard of living as they were growing up - eating out at nice restaurants, designer clothes, the latest gadgets, etc. It is a lifestyle that they have grown accustomed to and are loathe to give up and it is a lifestyle that Mum and Dad funded all the while. So really this is the reality that these kids grew up with and therefore perceive as the norm. Who's fault is it that these kids see this as the norm? The parents!!!
That brings me to the question of whether parents should indulge their children in their growing years. I think a little treat now and then is fine, but too much of the good life courtesy of Mum and Dad and the danger is that the child may
1) develop a materialistic outlook and become a slave to material possessions
2) become depressed or suffer from low self-esteem when he can no longer enjoy such luxuries either because his salary does not enable him to, or his parents' financial circumstances no longer allow for it
3) experience financial troubles and in turn marital problems as a result of an inability to manage his expenses
4) choose not to have children (which means no grandchildren) as that would mean cutting back on extravagances; in any case, I don't think such people would want any children since they know they can't even take care of themselves so why would they want to take care of someone else?
5) realise at the age of 40 that he will have to keep working till his dying day as he has neglected to put money aside for retirement
6) dump his parents when they are old and have run out of money (financial drain caused by selfish kids of course) and need him to pay for their medical fees. "But I thought you were supposed to give and I take?! How can you now expect me to do the giving and you do the taking?!! It's not fair!!!"
Many adults of my generation grew up in humble circumstances and only experienced a more indulgent lifestyle when we started work, also the time when Singapore's economy enjoyed strong growth. As we enjoy a higher standard of living, our children too get to come along for the ride. It is all too easy to forget that children who grow up with a very comfortable lifestyle will find it hard to adjust to something less. They have to realise that either they make do with less or they make sure they land a very well paying job (or a rich husband!).
As for me, to save my children the pain of possibly adjusting to a lower standard of living, I make a conscious effort not to indulge them too much and to always remind them how lucky they are. Yes we live in a condo and go for overseas holidays, but no extravagances (well ok, there's the occasional luxury holiday villa) and no giving in to their whims and fancies. But maybe I am not doing enough. Maybe we should switch from Ben & Jerry's to Meadow Gold..... gee that's hard... very hard.
6 comments:
Some nights when I find it hard to fall asleep, my mind wandered back through the years when my children were around the ages of my grandchildren now, and how my heart ached to think that I had failed to provide my children with the luxury some of my friends did for their children. Perhaps I had failed as a father. Then again I tried to console myself by thinking that it can't be because after all I'm the envy of all my golf 'kakis' for having children so filial that all my golf sets, shoes, etc. are provided for by my children. To top it all, I'm the only amatuer golfer who has a sponsor to participate in golf tourneys!!! So I was always able to console myself that perhaps I had not failed as a father. Still the controversy inside myself lingers on.
I'm very proud of all my children and rightly so. As for myself, I'm not really sure if I should be.
You think that's bad - in Italy recently a grown-up child sued his parents (and won) because they told him he should get a job, get out of the house and stop sponging off them.
Values have changed. Like one of my nephews. He's lucky to have a rich father. So he and his wife practically live off his father. Both work for the dad. Granted my nephew does quite a lot of work but the wife??? Already got a Lexus and on their wedding anniversay, got her a sports Merc sponsored by daddy. Now living in dad's bungalow. Child's birthday, etc dinner all sponsored by daddy. Very lucky right?
He also say the same thing. Dad got money me don't spend, very stupid...
How I wish my brother is my father! But then, I never liked to spend my parents money last time so I doubt I really want it so badly. Haha...
I think the main reason the wealthy parents and grandparents allow and even encourage their children and grandchildren to sponge off them is that they want to feel proud of themselves for being a great provider. Perhaps they feel great to let the world know that all the luxury their children are enjoying comes from them and of course, it's a great feeling. I can never have that great feeling or pride in myself as I had never provided my children with any luxury or a good life. That's why I can only console myself that perhaps I had brought up my children correctly as they are all as filial as any parent would wish their children to be. I can't be proud of myself but I can certainly be proud of all my children and I tell you, the feeling is just as, if not more, heavenly than being proud of myself.
So spare a thought for the poor rich parents. Perhaps their children have got nothing for them to be proud of, so they need to feel proud of themselves to feel happy.
Of course, I realise that not everyone is as lucky as I am.
My brother-in-law (you know who) is living in his mother's house with his wife and 3 kids (soon to be 4!) and is refusing to get out. He sold his flat in Sin, gave up citizenship so took out CPF but don't know where his money is. Now his poor mother in Melbourne, whose rich husband died 2 years ago and left her nothing, is struggling to pay her bills. She tells him to get out so she can sell the house; that he has to look after his own family 'cos she can't do that for him. Will he ever get out of the house he chased us out of so he could move in with his family and have everything set for him?
fbt: That's crazy!!!
sesame: If you don't have it in you to be shameless, even if someone offered themselves to be sponged off, you would not accept the offer. Yes people who have generous "sponsors" are lucky but also very shameless!!!
kong kong: As you used to say to us as we were growing up - "There are some things parents owe their children and some things they do not." I totally agreed with you even as a child. A parent's duty is to bring up their children well by passing on the right values. But it seems some parents think their duty is to give their children anything they want and in the process they spoil their children - I don't think parents with grown up children who can't or won't take care of themselves have anything to be proud about - they should be ashamed of themselves and their kids!!! I agree with you; I think those people simply see their children as another avenue for showing off.
tai pi's aunty: that's retribution!!! if only she had brought him up right....
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