Waking up to a nightmare

On 6th October 30 years ago, I awoke early in the morning to news that would change my life forever. Mummy had been rushed to hospital the night before and had passed on without even saying good bye. She was 34 years old. I remembered thinking that it couldn't be, and for many nights after that, I would tell myself that it was all a nightmare and that when I woke up, Mummy would be there and everything would be back to what it was before.

Now 30 years later, on the morning of 27th May, I again awoke to devastating news. Pa was operated on the night before in what was supposedly minor surgery carried out under local anaesthetic to have blood drained out from his head. When the neurosurgeon, who happened to be one of Pa's golfing buddies, was down to the last 3 stitches, Pa had a seizure and subsequently fell into a coma.

This was his second head surgery, the first being in March to have a blood clot removed, and that time he had recovered well and was scheduled to fly to Singapore on 3rd June.

I rushed to Khon Kaen Thailand the next day with Sui Kou and her husband. When I saw Pa at the ICU ward at Khonkaen-Ram Hospital, I was beside myself with anguish. Listening to the neurosurgeon's narration of what happened brought more tears. I cried so much that day my eyes were swollen and I felt nauseous.

Once again, like 30 years before, it seemed I was in a nightmare that I could not wake up from. It felt so surreal. While my life was changing in a fundamental way, it was business as usual in Restaurant City. The cooks were busy at the stoves, food was being served, dishes cleared, ingredients traded. While in Khon Kaen, I found escape in Restaurant City before and after the daily hospital visits.

Also giving me solace was the care and support I received from friends and family. A primary school classmate, now an anaethestist, offered advice and helped put me in touch with a neurologist at Tan Tock Seng Hospital. Friends I happened to catch on MSN or Facebook (thank god for Internet) were a great comfort with their offers of help and prayers. And throughout the ordeal in Khon Kaen, Sui Kou was my pillar of strength; I don't know what I would have done without her.

At first I was hopeful that Pa would suddenly awake from his coma the way it happens on TV. But a week after surgery, a CT scan showed that he had suffered bilateral strokes possibly a day or two after falling into the coma. This was really bad news and the doctor said that we should prepare ourselves to accept that he might never recover.

Sui Kou told me that Pa related to her a nightmare he once had where he is trapped in a dark place and hears Mummy calling him. Could this be his nightmare? Is he trapped, suspended in a barren zone between life and death?

Meanwhile, everywhere we were in Khon Kaen - Big C, Tesco-Lotus, Pa's home, reminded me of happier times we spent on holiday there. Just last November I had gone on an eye-opening trip there with the girls where we got to visit a village school, harvest rice, learn about sericulture and agriculture. And just a month before, I had gone up to visit a week after Pa was discharged from the hospital after the first surgery, bringing Sai Pi along as a surprise.

Thinking about the April trip I made with Sai Pi was especially painful. Pa was making such good recovery and Sai Pi got to spend time with her Kong Kong without having to share him with her sisters. Here on the front porch, we had breakfast together just the month before. And here in the living room Sai Pi had an indoor picnic with Kong Kong. And we sat somewhere around here when we had lunch at the foodcourt at Tesco-Lotus and over at the corner is the indoor playground where Sai Pi was playing happily not so long ago. Sigh... so little time has passed, yet so much has been taken away from us.

Pa was still in a largely vegetative state when I left Khon Kaen. As he was running a fever, the cause of which the doctor was not able to ascertain, the medical evacuation team could not fly him back to Singapore till weeks later.

Pa was wide-eyed and looked almost bewildered when I met him at the A&E entrance at Tan Tock Seng Hospital the night of his arrival from Thailand on 1st July. It was great to see him looking more conscious and such a relief to have him back in Singapore.

Since then I have settled into a routine of homeschooling the girls in the morning followed by visits to Tan Tock Seng Hospital in the afternoon or evenings. Tai Pi shows a lot of concern for her Kong Kong and asks how he's doing everytime I get back from the visits, although my answer to her is always the same - Kong Kong is awake but not speaking or moving but maybe given more time he will recover, and that's what we look forward to.

Sai Pi having an indoor picnic with Kong Kong at his home in Khon Kaen

in April a week after his discharge following the first surgery

Harvesting rice with Kong Kong during our Khon Kaen village holiday last November

The girls with Kong Kong and No.2 Mama at a rice field in Khon Kaen Thailand