Of pets and property prices

A conversation in my bedroom in our apartment today.

Tai Pi / Pumpkin: Please can we keep the kittens?

Me: I promise you can have hamsters if we move to a big house.

Pumpkin: We're never going to move! We can't afford to buy a house! We will live here forever!

Me: I heard that in a few years time prices will fall.

Sai Pi: Prices are going higher and higher!

Tai Pi: More and more people are coming [referring to the influx of foreigners into Singapore], prices will never come down! Unless there's a big disease that kills many people.

Pumpkin: The Black Plague

Tai Pi: We are not as stupid as we look. Just because we don't like Singapore doesn't mean that we don't know things that are happening.

Childhood then and now

It is only January and already I'm feeling tired.  Well actually I'm the one who has the most relaxed schedule (other than my mother-in-law who can barely fill her day); I mean I feel tired thinking about the girls' schedules.  As if the hours they spend in school is not enough, Tai Pi has supplementary classes on two weekdays, Sai Pi has remedial classes on two weekdays (she has remedial for all her subjects *sigh*) and Pumpkin has remedial once a week.  On top of that, Sai Pi stays behind in school for ballet twice a week, so she has lunch at home on only one weekday.

When did childhood become so filled with schoolwork and enrichment activities?  I remember when I was growing up, we had plenty of time to play, to read, to stare out of the window and day dream.

We had so much fun, bro, sis and me.  Bro operated a fast food eatery out of our bedroom, with a plank placed on stools as a table where we would sit and enjoy hamburgers he prepared.  I liked his arcade better though.  The faithful plank formed a platform on which a toy car moved from one point to another trying not to hit the obstacles placed here and there.  You "move" the toy car by turning a wheel (some round object, don't remember what it was now) and Bro, holding on to the toy car with his fingers, would turn the car left or right accordingly.  Bro also had his own music charts radio show with only two ardent listeners - sis and me.  He would play the week's top ten songs plus a new song and sis and I had to fill in contest forms guessing the top ten songs for the following week in the correct order.  It was very hard to win the contest so I was outraged when sis finally won and all she got was a slightly used Erasermate (easerable pen from Papermate which was quite the rage then).

Sis and I also had endless fun with our stuff toys, each with a different personality and voice (all provided by yours truly).  We loved boardgames too.  At one time we played Monopoly every single day.  Our other favourites were Pay Day, Cluedo and Risk.

We also used to play all kinds of sports indoors - table tennis on our coffee table with a row of cassette tapes for a net, basketball with the vents just above the bedroom doors as the "net", softball and football (only penalties).

We even had time to keep pets although I must admit that I got quite sick of cleaning the fish tank and fantasized about "accidentally" flushing the fishes down the toilet.  And on hindsight, we might have been guilty of abusing our terrapins.  We would make homes out of drawing block paper which we decorated and then push the terrapins into the homes.  Later, distracted by TV, I would completely forget about my terrapin and find it missing.  Well it wouldn't really be missing because I knew where it was - it somehow always ended up under the piano and I would get a long ruler and whack it out.  *Ouch*

Even in school we had time to play.  My best friends and I played table tennis everyday before and after class at the back end of the canteen where there were a few table tennis tables.  We would play during recess too except that we had prefect duty.  When we weren't playing table tennis or Yeh Yeh aka Zero Point, we would be at the playground opposite the school.  Nearby, from the backdoor of her ground floor flat, a lady sold homemade ice lolly tubes for ten cents each.  We were so busy having fun everyday after school that we would get home only at 4pm.

It's really amazing how much free time we had then.  There wasn't much homework and whatever homework there was, I completed them in class during the time one teacher left the classroom till the next teacher arrived. I had no ECA (but I did have weekly piano lessons) and I did not even study for the PSLE.  And tuition and assessment books were unheard of (ok, my parents are guilty of being the pioneers of assessment books but they didn't make us work on the assessment books they wrote).

Fast forward thirty years and look at the kind of childhood the girls are having now.  Remedial class, supplementary lessons, CCA, tuition, homework, enrichment classes... *sigh*.  Children are being robbed of their childhood, or at least the kind of childhood I knew.

It is frustrating for me to force my children into a routine that meets the demands of the local education system and I believe this is the cause of my lack of patience with my children.  Every time I help them with their schoolwork, I end up berating them - "How is it that you don't know this??  Weren't you paying attention in class??  Can you do your work a little faster??"  I just want their schoolwork to be done with so they can have time to be children.  If the girls were academically inclined or intellectually gifted, it would be less of a struggle, but alas their talents and interests lie elsewhere.

If this is what life is like for parents and children today, imagine how much worse it will be for the next generation.  I've come to the point where I'm alright with the idea of not having any grandchildren.  I don't want to see my children struggle with parenthood and my grandchildren deprived of their childhood.  I've had enough of this rat race; all I ask is to have peace of mind in my golden years.

Closing a chapter

"When are you quitting Taekwondo?" the boys would ask them.  Tai Pi and Pumpkin took up Taekwondo together with their friends back in late 2005.  One by one their friends dropped out of Taekwondo after earning their Black Belts but the girls stayed on and even joined the competition team.

Taking part in competitive sparring has been a great character-building experience for the girls.  It has tested their nerves, their ability to think on their feet, their fighting spirit, and taught them to win with humility and lose with grace.  Wasn't easy on me either, watching them fight.  Once I was shaking so badly I almost dropped the video camera during Tai Pi's sudden death fight.

But now the girls have come to the hard decision of giving up Taekwondo.  Pumpkin went for her last class two Sundays ago while Tai Pi plans to continue till she gets her 2nd Dan which would be sometime this year.

When I told Pumpkin that I had informed the school of her decision to quit, she broke into tears.  Although it was her decision, she must have felt sad to bring to an end something which she had been doing half her life.  Oh well, she may have changed her Sunday routine but she will always be a Taekwondo Black Belt.

Pumpkin with her silver medal and her team mates 

at last year's National Taekwondo Championships

Tuition vs free time

I've been having trouble sleeping again.  As much as I tell myself not to worry, that things will work out one way or another, I am plagued by worries of Tai Pi not qualifying for the Express Stream again.  There's nothing wrong with taking the Normal Stream route I've told the girls, but they want to avoid it knowing that it entails sitting for two major exams - the "N" levels and the "O" levels.  It doesn't help that all three of them want a place at SOTA which takes in only Express Stream students.

Seeing that Science was Tai Pi's worst subject last year, I have been thinking of getting her a Science tutor.  But her schedule this year is really packed, as is the case for all P6 kids.  How other children find time to have tuition on top of all the supplementary classes is beyond me.

I place a lot of value on unstructured free time for my children so the thought of tuition encroaching on what little is left of their free time is unsettling for me.  I worry about increasing their stress levels with more academic work and I worry about what they stand to lose when they have less unstructured free time.  At the same time I worry that they will fall behind in class if we don't keep up with the rat race.

The following article, which is a synopsis of a report by the American Academy of Pediatrics, tells of the importance of free unstructured play for children; I don't think many parents in Singapore will be heeding their advice any time soon though...

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Free Unstructured Play Is Essential For Children

In order to develop socially, emotionally and cognitively, children need plenty of free, unstructured play - in other words, lots of old-fashioned free playtime, says a report by the American Academy of Pediatrics, called "The Importance of Play in Promoting Healthy Child Development and Maintaining Strong Parent-Child Bonds."

The American Academy of Pediatrics believes pediatricians should check children's levels of stress, to make sure they are not being overloaded with activities and tasks that are designed to do them good, but could end up having the opposite effect.

Too many children in the USA have to give up free play time because their parents, in a bid to help them do well, send them to classes and encourage them to take part in "development activities". Several pediatricians, says the report, are finding that some children are becoming stressed - they are not getting enough 'downtime'.

The report says that not only does unstructured play give children time to adjust to a new school setting, but it also allows them to use their creativity, find out what they really like, acquire and practise their social skills, and solve problems. Children who can take part in unstructured free play tend to become more resilient.

The report urges parents to be guided by what their child is like, rather than how well other kids down the road are doing.

The report lists many factors which could contribute towards childhood stress:
-- changes in family structure
-- competitive college admissions process
-- federal education policies
-- fear a child may fall behind academically
-- less physical activity
-- a hurried lifestyle

If a child has to live a hurried lifestyle, while at the same time he/she has less free time, he/she can become more stressed and anxious. The report states that some children could even become depressed. Although excelling academically has its benefits, the reports stresses that parental love, role modeling and guidance are what really matter for success in life.

Better late than never

2010 was quite a year. I (and KK) turned 40, Tai Pi sat for the PSLE, Sai Pi started primary school and Pumpkin went back to school after two years of homeschool. But what makes 2010 so special to me is that I finally learnt to cook and drive!!!

Yes I did take Home Economics back in secondary school and yes I did use to cook when I was in University (not because I was studying overseas but because my parents used to go on month long holidays leaving us to fend for ourselves), but I never really understood how to cook; cooking seemed such a mystery and I absolutely had to stick strictly to the recipe.

Well I decided at the beginning of 2010 that I'd better learn to cook, and fast, because my mother-in-law was slowing with age, taking some 3 hours to prepare a meal and also showing poor judgement possibly due to her Alzheimer's Disease condition.

It turned out to be much easier than I thought and I am happy to say that I am now quite a competent cook. Even good enough to teach Tai Pi how to cook! After lessons every morning (we had lessons from 9am-noon), if she was done with her work, Tai Pi would help me in the kitchen. Here she is preparing fried rice.

Driving was the other important lifeskill that I learnt in 2010. I started lessons in July, took the test in November and became a car owner in December!!! No more trudging under than hot sun, no more lugging heavy bags around. Woohoo!!! I love my Toyota Sienta and so do the girls. It's a small MPV with seats that can be folded and tucked away which is kinda fun. So from being the only adult I know without a driver's license, I'm now zipping about everyday in my cute car.

So it's never too late to pick up some lifeskills. What I learnt in 2010 certainly has changed my life!

Me in my Toyota Sienta waiting by the roadside while KK picked up dinner from a coffeeshop

"Good outcomes can come out of bad outcomes"

When we received Tai Pi's PSLE results two months back and were informed that she did not meet MOE's benchmark for homeschoolers and hence would have to re-take the PSLE, we were given two options - have her sit for the PSLE as a homeschooler again the following year or enrol her in a mainstream school as a P6 student. Apparently the benchmark for homeschoolers taking the PSLE for the 2nd time is lower - having only to qualify for the Normal Academic Stream (I didn't bother to ask the MOE why the difference in benchmark for 1st and 2nd timers and for that matter why the difference between mainstream students and homeschoolers because I don't expect any logical explanation); something Tai Pi can easily manage. However we decided to send her back to school where she could have new experiences so that 2011 would not seem a repeat of 2010.

Not just any school though. Pumpkin, who went back to school after two years of homeschooling, and Sai Pi, have been attending a nearby convent school since last year and have been pretty happy there. Tai Pi had been to the school on a number of occasions, met her sisters' classmates and even accompanied me in helping out with the P1 concert last year. She had developed a fondness for the school and wished that I had enrolled her there in P1 instead of another school also in the Katong area where she spent her first three years of primary school.

I staked out the Principal's office, waiting to catch her. She had a very busy schedule so that when I finally did get to see her, I was told I had just 5 minutes. But that was all the time it took anyway for her to agree to accept Tai Pi and so it was that Tai Pi got her wish (so it is true what they say - "be careful what you wish for"!).

"Good outcomes can come out of bad outcomes", Tai Pi declared. Yes indeed.

The three sisters, on their way to school on the first day of school in Mummy's new car (note the "P" plate on the back windscreen).

A setback or an opportunity

Where I left off at my last post, we had almost reached the finishing line. And we did reach the finishing line except that we now have to run the race all over again.

She trained hard, completed 13 assessment books for Math alone, auditioned successfully for a place in SOTA along the way, suffered from anxiety and increasing nightmares as the exams approached only to find herself in the bottom one third of the PSLE cohort. Not good enough for MOE. Go back to the starting line and try again.

There we were, in a solemn meeting room at MOE with a solemn-looking officer from the Compulsory Education Unit who solemnly informed Tai Pi and I that having not met the MOE's benchmark set for homeschoolers (score higher than one third of the cohort, or in other words qualify for the Express Stream), Tai Pi would have to re-sit the PSLE the following year. I felt faint; this couldn't be happening. Tai Pi broke into uninhibited sobs, her forehead pressed against the edge of the table.

Seven points. A mere seven points put a halt to Tai Pi's dream of studying visual arts at SOTA.

How is one to feel about such a setback? I grieved her loss (yes it really felt like someone died) for weeks after that. My first thoughts everyday when I woke up were those miserable seven points and the dread of another year of PSLE preparation.

Tai Pi's mourning period was much shorter though. She was back to her usual fun-loving self within days. I felt then that she didn't appreciate the seriousness of the situation as much as her father and I did, but I must concede now that Tai Pi, and perhaps all children in general, is simply more resilient, whereas I had chosen to let my thoughts dwell on what could have been.

It is surely not an easy thing to have to tell all your friends that you would be repeating P6, to see your friends move on to secondary school while you repeat P6, to lose your place in your dream school, to face the PSLE again.

But Tai Pi is a brave and resilient child and I know this setback will only make her stronger. I now even think of it as a kind of privilege - how many people can say that they re-took their PSLE? Of course we would never wish it upon our children, but when it happens, it is a valuable character-building opportunity that can make them more resilient and less afraid of failure. It is even kinda cool. I imagine Tai Pi, years from now, telling people that she took the PSLE twice; wouldn't that raise some eyebrows!

I wanted to be sure that Tai Pi appreciated the value of her setback so I shared with her these wise words from Henry Ford - "Life is a series of experiences, each of which makes us bigger, even though it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching forward."

However this year ends, whatever score Tai Pi gets for the PSLE this time round, I'm glad she had this life experience and I'm proud of her for having the strength to pick herself up and move on.

Journey's end

"Before you know it, they will be sitting for the PSLE". I remember those exact words. It was close to the end of kindergarten for Tai Pi. I can still see it - Tai Pi and her classmate Zac playing in the field at the childcare centre without a care in the world. I watched them wistfully, knowing that Tai Pi would soon enter primary school and face the stress that comes with it.

Well Zac's mother was right. In the blink of an eye, Tai Pi is sitting for her PSLE and I am sitting on a bench at Wheelock Place waiting to pick her up when she's done.

After today she will have only the Science paper left and then the PSLE is over. We've come to the end of the "road to PSLE" which began with a struggle with "more than" and "less than" and will hopefully end with confirmation of a place at the School of the Arts.

Sitting on a bench at Wheelock Place and blogging on my iPad.

I love having time to myself.

Raise a wild child

This afternoon Tai Pi was like a participant in her favourite reality show, Project Runway, where promising fashion designers design and sew outfits in 24 hours.

Gathering the fabric she bought from a textile shop at Arab Street and with her limited sewing skills, she managed to put together a blouse and skirt for Sai Pi. In the course of it, the model was pricked several times by the needle - a bit hard to avoid given that she was wearing the blouse while it was being sewn, and the aspiring designer was almost defeated by the complexity of creating an elasticized waistline. After some blood (Sai Pi's) and much sweat (Tai Pi's), the outfit was ready and happily paraded by the lovely model in a fashion show held in the living room.

Watching Tai Pi enthusiastically toiling away reminded me of an article I read some 2 years back - "Raising Children with a Wild Streak" by Mark Pruett. I'm re-producing the article here for posterity. Girls, if you are reading this, I hope you will give your children lots of free time and space to do as they wish and maybe they too will discover their passions and develop a "wild streak".

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Raise Children With a Wild Streak

by Mark Pruett

A new report from the American Academy of Pediatrics stresses the importance of childhood playtime. It reinforces my own belief that many young adults have been cheated by years of excessive schoolwork and teamwork, too many extracurricular activities, and a straitjacketed "just say no to anything risky" upbringing. I am convinced that modern childhood generally does not build enough independence and thirst for knowledge.

For the past few years I helped interview high school seniors seeking scholarships to come to Appalachian State University. These applicants come from all over the state. They play instruments and sports, participate in church and charity, and work in diverse jobs.

They also display remarkably similar accomplishments. They are at the top of their high school classes and possess generically good manners. They lead teams, groups and clubs. They are smart, solid and hardworking.

They might be surprised to learn that I, like many college professors, yearn for rarer traits -- curiosity, passion, a wild streak. Yes, teamwork and leadership skills will help your child to implement someone else's ideas, and extensive extracurricular activities will foster responsibility. What your child really needs, though, is an inventive, self-reliant, restless spirit.

The key questions

For me, the heart-wrenching interview moment is when we ask these teenagers what they would choose to do on a day spent alone. Many say they never have the chance. Worse still, some have no answer at all. This should disturb and sadden any parent. In the end, my scholarship votes ride on two questions: Is this someone that I'd be excited to have in my class? And is he or she open to being changed by my class? Class rank and extracurricular activities are less important than genuine individuality or enthusiasm. It matters not whether someone is bold or shy, worldly or naïve. Is there a flash of determination, a streak of independence, a creative passion, an excited curiosity?

We need more students like the ones who leave after graduation to work as missionaries or in the Peace Corps. More like the ones who start successful businesses while in school. More like the ones who find the courage to go overseas for a summer or a semester because they know their own worlds are far too small.

Some students are team players and high achievers, but I'd trade them for stubbornly creative iconoclasts. Some students as children were taught to color inside the lines, watch Barney the purple dinosaur, and always ask permission. We need students who found out what Crayons tasted like, loved reading "The Cat in the Hat" and paid little attention to rules -- students whose parents encouraged their children's curiosity.

Something's missing

The irony is that many students begin to perceive late in college that they've missed something along the way. They regret not taking risks with difficult professors, unusual courses or semesters abroad. They berate themselves by equating self-worth with grades, and they are saddened by the realization that they have only glimpsed the breadth of the university. They begin to grasp that their uncomfortable sense of passivity has its roots in the highly controlled existence foisted on them.

Parents: love, guide and support your children, but don't insulate them, control them or let them be too busy. Independence, confidence and creativity come from freedom, risk and a good measure of unstructured solitude.

Encourage studying but make them play hooky, too -- partly to learn what it feels like to be unprepared and partly to foster spontaneity, irreverence and joy. Study chemistry together, then blow up a television in the backyard.

Foster camaraderie and connectedness through group activities (especially family ones), but be unyielding in your commitment to teaching them to love doing things entirely on their own. Make each child plan and cook the family's dinner on his or her own once a week.

Surround them with books, not video games. Raise a garden or build a deck together. Send them on solo trips.

However you choose to do it, give your children, their teachers and society one of the greatest gifts of all: Help your kids become creative, independent, curious, interesting people.

About the author...

Mark Pruett is an assistant professor in the Walker College of Business at Appalachian State University.

The role of TV in career planning

Couple of days back, I was walking Sai Pi to school for ballet class and we were having a conversation about TV programmes. She said she thought Dora the Explorer was a good programme for very young children because they could learn something from it, but it was too childish for "older" children aged 5-7 like herself. So I asked her what TV programme she considered appropriate for children aged 5-7.

Sai Pi: "Totally Spies is good for children 5 to 7 years old because they don't have a dream so when they watch Totally Spies maybe they will think they want to be a spy. If not they will become nuns and nuns are not very interesting because they don't really have anything to do." LOL

oooh spies are so totally cool!!!

"Oh I'm so bored. I don't really have anything to do."

Millionaires' Club

A few days back, we were dropping Tai Pi off at the exam centre where she was to take her PSLE Oral Exam, but we were early so we went for a drive around a posh neighbourhood close by. As we drove past the big bungalows with their collection of luxury cars, we told Tai Pi this is where the super rich people live. She asked us innocently, "Is this where the PAP people live since they earn millions?" I burst out laughing while KK accused me of planting subversive ideas into our children's heads. All I did was tell the girls how well paid our leaders are, how many times more they are earning compared to US President Obama; it's not my fault if even children can see the absurdity of it.

Moment of truth

"I got the letter! I got the letter!" Tai Pi screamed from the carpark. We had been waiting anxiously for the letter from the School of the Arts (SOTA) and it was finally here, the moment of truth was upon us.

Tai Pi was too nervous to open the letter so I did it. She had wanted to attend SOTA since she first heard about it some years back, and to think that we would finally know if she could or could not, does she or does she not have the talent..... it was too much; I felt faint. I slowly turned over the folded letter.... "CONFIRMED OFFER....". YES!!!!!! She made it!!!!!! Tai Pi and her sisters screamed with joy.

I can't remember the last time I felt such relief. All these years of worry, all these years of wondering if she has what it takes to get into SOTA. I knew she had the passion; that was obvious from a young age, but I couldn't judge if she had the talent. I did think she could draw very well, but so could many kids her age.

So now I can finally put my mind at ease. Tai Pi does have talent and I'm sure it will serve her well now and always.

Now to clear the next hurdle - PSLE here we come!

Tai Pi with the letter of acceptance from SOTA and part of the portfolio that earned her a place in the school. The canvas painting is her first attempt at painting on canvas. She made those clothes on the Barbie dolls. The toilet tube dolls at the bottom left were a hit with the panellists. The scrapbook at the bottom right shows a sample of Tai Pi's fashion drawings. The bangle she's wearing features a leaf-inspired motif designed by her.

Let the countdown begin

I started this blog to let off steam 5 years ago when Tai Pi was in P1. Coaching her in math and in particular dealing with the "more than", "less than" questions was driving me up the wall. This blog was meant to record our journey towards the PSLE but has assumed a much greater purpose since then. I realised along the way that a blog like this would tell our story to future generations - not just within the family but to others as well. Having always enjoyed my father's stories of the old days and not having as good a memory as he did, putting down my thoughts like this as I go along is really the best way for me to preserve the memories.

But I digress. What I meant to talk about is the PSLE; yes it's finally just around the corner! The much dreaded first major exam taken by kids in Singapore, the cause of much stress for kids and their parents alike, and the inspiration for this blog, is but 3 months away. I feel as if we are headed towards a waterfall and there's little we can do but drift towards it and hope we survive the fall.

I actually feel both happy and anxious about this. No doubt it's causing us some stress but I'm also thinking the fact that it will be upon us soon also means that it will soon be over. And boy will we be relieved when it's done with!

But what would bring us the greatest relief is if Tai Pi gets accepted into the School of the Arts (SOTA) which she so badly wants to join. She went for an audition there a few weeks back and will know the results in early August. Not sure about this year but there were more than 1000 applicants vying for 200 places last year. Tai Pi said that many of the applicants were for Visual Arts which is the area that she applied for. If she receives a positive answer from SOTA in early August, she will only have to obtain a good enough PSLE score that qualifies her for the Express Stream (that means doing better than one third of PSLE candidates which is anyway the benchmark set for homeschoolers for a PSLE pass) and then we won't have to worry so much about the PSLE and which school she would end up in. This is especially important for Tai Pi as the MOE only processes homeschoolers' secondary school applications after they are done with the posting for mainstreamers which means that homeschoolers get posted to whichever school still has vacancies regardless of how well they may have scored in the PSLE. Unfair I know but that's the MOE for you.

So from now till early August, I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed and hoping that Tai Pi's talent and passion for art is sufficient to earn her a place in her dream school.