Childhood then and now

It is only January and already I'm feeling tired.  Well actually I'm the one who has the most relaxed schedule (other than my mother-in-law who can barely fill her day); I mean I feel tired thinking about the girls' schedules.  As if the hours they spend in school is not enough, Tai Pi has supplementary classes on two weekdays, Sai Pi has remedial classes on two weekdays (she has remedial for all her subjects *sigh*) and Pumpkin has remedial once a week.  On top of that, Sai Pi stays behind in school for ballet twice a week, so she has lunch at home on only one weekday.

When did childhood become so filled with schoolwork and enrichment activities?  I remember when I was growing up, we had plenty of time to play, to read, to stare out of the window and day dream.

We had so much fun, bro, sis and me.  Bro operated a fast food eatery out of our bedroom, with a plank placed on stools as a table where we would sit and enjoy hamburgers he prepared.  I liked his arcade better though.  The faithful plank formed a platform on which a toy car moved from one point to another trying not to hit the obstacles placed here and there.  You "move" the toy car by turning a wheel (some round object, don't remember what it was now) and Bro, holding on to the toy car with his fingers, would turn the car left or right accordingly.  Bro also had his own music charts radio show with only two ardent listeners - sis and me.  He would play the week's top ten songs plus a new song and sis and I had to fill in contest forms guessing the top ten songs for the following week in the correct order.  It was very hard to win the contest so I was outraged when sis finally won and all she got was a slightly used Erasermate (easerable pen from Papermate which was quite the rage then).

Sis and I also had endless fun with our stuff toys, each with a different personality and voice (all provided by yours truly).  We loved boardgames too.  At one time we played Monopoly every single day.  Our other favourites were Pay Day, Cluedo and Risk.

We also used to play all kinds of sports indoors - table tennis on our coffee table with a row of cassette tapes for a net, basketball with the vents just above the bedroom doors as the "net", softball and football (only penalties).

We even had time to keep pets although I must admit that I got quite sick of cleaning the fish tank and fantasized about "accidentally" flushing the fishes down the toilet.  And on hindsight, we might have been guilty of abusing our terrapins.  We would make homes out of drawing block paper which we decorated and then push the terrapins into the homes.  Later, distracted by TV, I would completely forget about my terrapin and find it missing.  Well it wouldn't really be missing because I knew where it was - it somehow always ended up under the piano and I would get a long ruler and whack it out.  *Ouch*

Even in school we had time to play.  My best friends and I played table tennis everyday before and after class at the back end of the canteen where there were a few table tennis tables.  We would play during recess too except that we had prefect duty.  When we weren't playing table tennis or Yeh Yeh aka Zero Point, we would be at the playground opposite the school.  Nearby, from the backdoor of her ground floor flat, a lady sold homemade ice lolly tubes for ten cents each.  We were so busy having fun everyday after school that we would get home only at 4pm.

It's really amazing how much free time we had then.  There wasn't much homework and whatever homework there was, I completed them in class during the time one teacher left the classroom till the next teacher arrived. I had no ECA (but I did have weekly piano lessons) and I did not even study for the PSLE.  And tuition and assessment books were unheard of (ok, my parents are guilty of being the pioneers of assessment books but they didn't make us work on the assessment books they wrote).

Fast forward thirty years and look at the kind of childhood the girls are having now.  Remedial class, supplementary lessons, CCA, tuition, homework, enrichment classes... *sigh*.  Children are being robbed of their childhood, or at least the kind of childhood I knew.

It is frustrating for me to force my children into a routine that meets the demands of the local education system and I believe this is the cause of my lack of patience with my children.  Every time I help them with their schoolwork, I end up berating them - "How is it that you don't know this??  Weren't you paying attention in class??  Can you do your work a little faster??"  I just want their schoolwork to be done with so they can have time to be children.  If the girls were academically inclined or intellectually gifted, it would be less of a struggle, but alas their talents and interests lie elsewhere.

If this is what life is like for parents and children today, imagine how much worse it will be for the next generation.  I've come to the point where I'm alright with the idea of not having any grandchildren.  I don't want to see my children struggle with parenthood and my grandchildren deprived of their childhood.  I've had enough of this rat race; all I ask is to have peace of mind in my golden years.

Raise a wild child

This afternoon Tai Pi was like a participant in her favourite reality show, Project Runway, where promising fashion designers design and sew outfits in 24 hours.

Gathering the fabric she bought from a textile shop at Arab Street and with her limited sewing skills, she managed to put together a blouse and skirt for Sai Pi. In the course of it, the model was pricked several times by the needle - a bit hard to avoid given that she was wearing the blouse while it was being sewn, and the aspiring designer was almost defeated by the complexity of creating an elasticized waistline. After some blood (Sai Pi's) and much sweat (Tai Pi's), the outfit was ready and happily paraded by the lovely model in a fashion show held in the living room.

Watching Tai Pi enthusiastically toiling away reminded me of an article I read some 2 years back - "Raising Children with a Wild Streak" by Mark Pruett. I'm re-producing the article here for posterity. Girls, if you are reading this, I hope you will give your children lots of free time and space to do as they wish and maybe they too will discover their passions and develop a "wild streak".

=====================

Raise Children With a Wild Streak

by Mark Pruett

A new report from the American Academy of Pediatrics stresses the importance of childhood playtime. It reinforces my own belief that many young adults have been cheated by years of excessive schoolwork and teamwork, too many extracurricular activities, and a straitjacketed "just say no to anything risky" upbringing. I am convinced that modern childhood generally does not build enough independence and thirst for knowledge.

For the past few years I helped interview high school seniors seeking scholarships to come to Appalachian State University. These applicants come from all over the state. They play instruments and sports, participate in church and charity, and work in diverse jobs.

They also display remarkably similar accomplishments. They are at the top of their high school classes and possess generically good manners. They lead teams, groups and clubs. They are smart, solid and hardworking.

They might be surprised to learn that I, like many college professors, yearn for rarer traits -- curiosity, passion, a wild streak. Yes, teamwork and leadership skills will help your child to implement someone else's ideas, and extensive extracurricular activities will foster responsibility. What your child really needs, though, is an inventive, self-reliant, restless spirit.

The key questions

For me, the heart-wrenching interview moment is when we ask these teenagers what they would choose to do on a day spent alone. Many say they never have the chance. Worse still, some have no answer at all. This should disturb and sadden any parent. In the end, my scholarship votes ride on two questions: Is this someone that I'd be excited to have in my class? And is he or she open to being changed by my class? Class rank and extracurricular activities are less important than genuine individuality or enthusiasm. It matters not whether someone is bold or shy, worldly or naïve. Is there a flash of determination, a streak of independence, a creative passion, an excited curiosity?

We need more students like the ones who leave after graduation to work as missionaries or in the Peace Corps. More like the ones who start successful businesses while in school. More like the ones who find the courage to go overseas for a summer or a semester because they know their own worlds are far too small.

Some students are team players and high achievers, but I'd trade them for stubbornly creative iconoclasts. Some students as children were taught to color inside the lines, watch Barney the purple dinosaur, and always ask permission. We need students who found out what Crayons tasted like, loved reading "The Cat in the Hat" and paid little attention to rules -- students whose parents encouraged their children's curiosity.

Something's missing

The irony is that many students begin to perceive late in college that they've missed something along the way. They regret not taking risks with difficult professors, unusual courses or semesters abroad. They berate themselves by equating self-worth with grades, and they are saddened by the realization that they have only glimpsed the breadth of the university. They begin to grasp that their uncomfortable sense of passivity has its roots in the highly controlled existence foisted on them.

Parents: love, guide and support your children, but don't insulate them, control them or let them be too busy. Independence, confidence and creativity come from freedom, risk and a good measure of unstructured solitude.

Encourage studying but make them play hooky, too -- partly to learn what it feels like to be unprepared and partly to foster spontaneity, irreverence and joy. Study chemistry together, then blow up a television in the backyard.

Foster camaraderie and connectedness through group activities (especially family ones), but be unyielding in your commitment to teaching them to love doing things entirely on their own. Make each child plan and cook the family's dinner on his or her own once a week.

Surround them with books, not video games. Raise a garden or build a deck together. Send them on solo trips.

However you choose to do it, give your children, their teachers and society one of the greatest gifts of all: Help your kids become creative, independent, curious, interesting people.

About the author...

Mark Pruett is an assistant professor in the Walker College of Business at Appalachian State University.